God, Israel and the Party Platforms; Father, Have Mercy on Us

This week, the Democratic National Convention returned balance to The Force.

The Republican National Convention already had conferred sovereignty – okay, more like a whole lot of influence – on the Lord our God.

The 2012 platform of the national Democratic Party, however, omitted the traditional homage to the Creator and traditional tip of the hat and salaam to Israel.

Lots of folks concluded that the Democrats had abandoned our Lord and Savior and were headed straight down the Road to Damnation. Presumably, this perfidy was sponsored by Satan, the Freemasons and maybe Betty Crocker.

The Lord of All things has breathed a sigh of relief.

Hasn’t He?

Maybe not.

I’ve criticized Islamists for flipping out into Fatwa Disneyland over people burning the Koran. It seems to me they see Allah as a fairly fragile and insecure deity. I just have to wonder if God the Father, the All-Powerful, the All-Wise really thinks He needs the Democratic National Committee. Or the Republican National Committee.

I don’t claim to have the inside track here. I do have to wonder about the reaction of the Supreme Designer of the 70 sextillion suns to the chutzpah of Earth’s provincial politicians. I cannot seem to derive from Holy Writ the same message the Conventions have.  

Please, someone direct me to where God is the Great Maître d’ who gives us a menu of blessings that we can order up à la carte. I also haven’t been able to find where God is the Stellar Shoulder-Striker ready to do our bidding and bring violent and terminal Holy wrath upon the people who WE identify as evil.

The Conventions still seem to believe that they’re honoring God.

Every couple of months, I get a letter from Publishers Clearinghouse telling me what a peachy and lucky guy I am. I’m wondering if God does with the party platforms same thing I do with those letters.

From my own feeble understanding of Scripture, I have to open my mind to the possibility that the reaction of the Supreme Architect to this entire political process is something along the lines of “Guys, shut up, pray quietly and then go out and humble yourselves among the people picking up trash and changing bedpans. You guys need perspective.” Oh, and “PS, shut down the boozy hospitality rooms and send the hookers home from the convention.”

Both party platforms also confirmed that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel.

I didn’t know that was any of our business.  If we tell Britain that Liverpool is the capital, will everybody move?

I also wonder which Israel they are talking about, the biblical nation of Israel or the modern state of Israel.

If they’re talking about the state of Israel, maybe this whole Jerusalem-as-capital thing will be news to the people in Tel Aviv. It seems to me that you put your, well, capital where your capital is. The government is in Tel Aviv. When is moving day? Is the American State Department renting new digs out near Golgotha?  Has Foggy Bottom contracted with some moving vans?

PS – Has anybody figured out what to do with the Dome of the Rock? It’s kind of close to the Wailing Wall, so that inhibits the nuclear option.

Oh, the original Democratic platform did not contain these provisions. It was amended from the floor in a process required a two-thirds majority.

Now at this point, somebody’s going to say that this was a set up and that obviously didn’t carry. Think, people. Look at this logically and scientifically. We’ve seen the video, but we don’t know where the microphones that were feeding the video were located. In all three of the voice votes, it did sound to me like the “nay’s” may have barely edged the “aye’s.”  If I had been the Chairman and we were using a simple majority, I would have called for a division of the house.  But if the mikes were on the podium, the Chairman ruled a touchdown for an incomplete pass.

To the extent that it matters. To the extent that anybody will read the platform. To the extent that anyone cares what a party convention does other than nominate two people.

I cannot help but thank Joe Ligotti, the Guy from Boston, for his succinct description today of party conventions: Bullshit Festivals.

I had another, less kind, appellation involving partner-free love, but it’s just not nice to try to one-up the Guy from Boston.

Lord Jesus, help us repair the damage these political nitwits do in the next two months. Amen.