14 October 2009

A Small Tsunami of Blather from Equity Court

"Jesus Carries a .46" Revealed

On 5 October, I presented the aphorism “Jesus Carries a .46,” and invited interpretation, backed up by the promise of loot from the Three Parsec Bookshelf®. I disqualified a few readers who would have known immediately what it meant, since I try to avoid easy contests, although I’ve been surprised at how quickly some of you have twigged to odd things in the past. Well, I’ve had two submissions within 9 days.

Dearest SHEILA222!!! took a break from school and her own darling offspring and responded: "Jesus packs enough (heat) to stop you in your tracks. (and it sometimes makes you see the error of your ways before you end up on Boot Hill or places far distant from him.)"

And Dearest Rosary took a break from her pedagogical, literary and family life and asked: "Why would Jesus need a rifle, Roger? Unless, of course, he's tired of what some folk do in his name..." Jeez, Rosary, can't a guy just pray for instant death for the enemy?

Well, y’all aren’t spot on, but pretty darn close. Sheila referred to Jesus having excess “heat” which exerts moral power and Boot Hill which connotes gunfights. Rosary specifically mentioned firearms.

The phrase comes from an old joke. Someone asked the old Texas Ranger why he carried a .45. (Note to those unfamiliar: The .45 referred to here is a pistol. The “.45" means that the diameter of the barrel and therefore the projectile is 45/100ths of an inch, which is pretty big as bullets go.) His reply was, “Because they don’t make a .46,” meaning that he carried the most powerful pistol cartridge then available. The connotation, then, is that whatever we have, Christ has more power.

Both Sheila and Rosary got the fundamental idea, and. so they will be the recipients of something special from the Three Parsec Bookshelf®. Shiela, I can’t find your physical world address and Rosary, I don’t think I’ve ever had yours. So if youse would kindly advise me by email, I’ll send the cornucopia via the Inconvenient Oozing Third Dimension for your delight. (At least I hope it’s delight; I try.)

Note: Parson Norton gave it a gallant effort, he really did, and he he enjoyed the challenge. Indeed, he was laughing aloud about it last Wednesday night, and experimenting with Biblical themes. Norton is a wonderful fellow who recently gave me 2 books on “Process Theology,” the kind of subject he knows better than I know the stuff that I write about. And Bert picked up an in medias res discussion which was obscure but darn interesting. I think I’ll sic Norton on him to convert him. Hell, it worked for me. Oh, my goodness, there is a vision of the Red Gates of Hell for Pastor Josh - Bert and I in the same pew on a Sunday morning. Just contemplating that makes the week worthwhile.

Second note: Bert also mentioned weapons calibrated in millimeters. I have always clung to the belief that that's for sissies. On the other hand, some of the extremely violent (legal) military people opt for metric calibers, so perhaps I'd better not spread that one around. I'd hate to have the coroner call to her assistant over my dead body, "Hey, Sidney, throw me the metric ruler."

Third note: Sheila has pointed out in a comment that I'm somewhat of a dumbshit - she is correct, which will come as no shock to faithful readers. Sorry, Sheila!

Nobel Musings and Where is Alferd Packer When You Need Him?

It is THEIR tcatchke. It is THEIR money. Who cares who they give it to? Those who disagree can form their own foundation and give medals, cash, farm animals, 8-track players or lottery tickets to whomever they please for whatever reason they please. The hubbub is just another garment-rending distraction so we don’t see how we have to pay for the bunny that gets into the hat, we don’t realize that we’re paying someone who doesn’t know bunnies from giraffes to put the bunny IN the hat, and then we’re always amazed and pathetically grateful when he pulls the bunny FROM the hat and presents it to us as his gift so we vote for him again. I would ask “How stupid do they think we are?,” but we keep demonstrating that they are right day, after day.

Sunday night, the Fairmont Alferd Packer Memorial Peace Prize Committee spontaneously formed at the weekly pre-week planning supper, and is exploring our own low budget version of honoring who we want. We’re thinking ordinary people who keep going through think & thin.

New & Improved

The bank at which I do my business has a “new and improved” online banking system. I didn’t think anyone used that phrase, “new and improved” any more, but I was wrong. I only had to call customer service once for "simple instructions." In order to be qualified for “new and improved” service, you have to agree to the “new and approved” customer agreement which, if set in 10 point type on 8-1/2 x 11 inch paper, runs 21 pages – 11,130 words.

No Whining Wimp Zone

I well remember when I was 6 years old, my Dad carefully showed me how to safely handle a pocket knife and gave me a little one with a blade maybe 1-1/2 inches long. Since then, a knife has always been among my pocket litter awaiting me every morning, sometimes something petite and sometimes something large. In the news today, there is the story of a CUB SCOUT who had a collapsible knife/fork/spoon kit he got a his first Cub meeting with him at school, and he’s been expelled and put into the juvenile system for that. I cannot even summon sufficient words to articulate the argument. Only the most moronic powder puff wimp would . . . well, you see my drift.

On a related note, a couple of months ago, I went into the Courthouse in a nearby county where there is “tight security.” I was relieved of the 2 inch Gerber pocket knife I was carrying because it was “dangerous.” The Deputy kept a straight face and I could not tell if he was kidding or not. (I no longer carry Buck products, since they have sold American virtue to China, where they now manufacture products with soft Asian steel and neo-slave labor.) However, that day I also was having ankle trouble and so had a cane. No problem, I kept it. I had a friendly chat with the judge, who is a friend, and told him that I would have played hell killing him with the 2 inch knife. But with that nice long piece of straight American White Ash, he would have been dead meat.

Note: Soon, a bit on Glenn Beck’s moronic rant about having taken his pistol to the movie theater and the even more cretinous responses that has generated.

Time It Hurries On

I continue to be baffled by this electronics thing. I sent 2,000+ pages of a trial record to a printer today. The printer will put everything together and hand-carry the appeal to the Court in Richmond. I’m still stuck in the 70's when I paid $1 a month for touch-tone phone service and the height of word processing was the IBM Correcting Selectric Typewriter. You xeroxed stuff one page at a time. I also hand-wrote drafts of a lot of things, and it was a simpler time . . .

And, yes - - in many ways it WAS a better time and a happier time.

Pippa passes.



sheila222 said...

I think t'was me, Sheila 222, who made the effort in the previous post about packing heat, boot hill, etc., not Jilly. Hope this isn't a disappointment.

sheila222 said...

I can hardly summon the energy required to even try to sensibly discuss Glenn Beck (I think that there is an oxymoron in there).

Roger D. Curry said...

OUCH! what a dumbshit I am. Editting done, I'm sorry!

Of course we can sensibly discuss Beck - think "circus."

Blank Field said...

Bro. Roger, you can't have harmony & stress at the same time. But I think we're doing okay with a clever program of alternating stress and harmony. The best way to enjoy getting into a warm, comfy bed at night is to be dog-tired from a day of exertion.

So kudos to us! (Hey, I know this was totally off topic ... sue me!

Rosary said...

Circuses are fun--I think you mean trainwreck when it comes to Glenn Beck--I mean it even rhymes.

Today's comment brought to you by the word verification--lenceme--that just sounds sort of kinky.

doreenmary said...

I like Glenn Beck. I like his love of America, I like how he emerged from rough times, I like his wife and the love story they share... but most of all, I like Glenn Beck because he has chihuahuas and anyone who has chihuahuas is OK in my book.

Anonymous said...

for some perverse reason I can't wait to hear you (et al) weigh in on G. Beck. Kinda like passing a massive highway collision, just impossible not to slow down for a look. Sadly, in this case, even as a former EMT I can't get out of the car to help.
Standing By, Mouth Agape.
PS Rosa -- good one!

Anonymous said...

"the Fairmont Alferd Packer Memorial Peace Prize Committee"

what will the prize be? I hope it involves the adoption of abandoned animals, maybe an elephant or a chimp. What? Projecting? Me?

Beysshoes said...

I carry a fine case pocket knife ... I believe they are still made in the good ol' USA.

Anonymous said...

I passed on the rhyme to a lot of smiles, Rosary -- good one!

Rosary said...

Thanks Roger for the books :-)